The Message
by erbkaiser
Summary: What is Luna to do when her husband sends her a cryptic message, but to try to decipher it? Crackfic!


**The Message**

Luna was startled as something in her pocket bleeped at her. She knew it couldn't be an Undulating Occary, as there was an 'R' in the month, so the logical conclusion was that it must be that Muggle device Hermione had insisted they all get, a celly phone.

Digging through her pocket she took out some lint, a couple of butterbeer corks, a pair of frilly lace knickers – _'So that's where they went, Hermione was looking for them,'_ she thought – until she found the weird little thing labelled 'Nokia'.

Hermione had spent a couple of evenings explaining the device to Harry and her, and Luna felt proud as she pressed a button and a text message from Harry appeared: "Luna love I'll be running late can you tell Hermione and Korea Cher?"

Luna frowned. Who or what was a Korea Cher? She put the phone thingie away again, and ascended the stairs of their home – Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, formerly also known as the Headquarters to the Order of the Phoenix but now simply the residence of the Potter-Black family.

"Love? Where was Harry again?" Luna asked as she entered the Black Library, aka Hermione's home office.

Hermione didn't look up from her paperwork as she replied, "He's among the Muggles today, a guest lecture at New Scotland Yard, remember, why?"

Luna nodded, that explained why he used the celly phone and not sent a Patronus message or an owl. Even though there was more and more interaction between the two worlds, the Statute of International Secrecy was still upheld.

"Harry celly phone messaged me that he is running late," Luna informed her co-wife.

"That's 'texted'," Hermione said, still not looking up. "Okay honey, thanks. Sorry, but I really need to finish this for tomorrow, can you deal with the rest?" she asked.

"Yes love," Luna agreed. Hermione was informed, now for Korea Cher. Luna had scored an Outstanding in her History of Magic OWL, and that weird name – _'or names, I shouldn't discount that,'_ she thought – was not familiar to her, so it must be something Muggle.

_'__Now, who can I ask about Muggle things? Hermione love is busy, and to interrupt her now would mean she gets annoyed… hmmm...'_ Luna scrunched her face, deep in thought, when she remembered the right person.

She focused on the location, and apparated out.

* * *

Luna re-appeared in a neatly maintained garden, with a small pond. At the pond stood a strangely dressed little fellow who was holding a fishing rod. _'That is a tiny man,'_ Luna thought, then mentally chided herself for being so judgmental. She walked over, and introduced herself:  
"Hello sir, I am Luna Black. Are the occupants of the home in?"

The tiny man remained silent, and Luna frowned. _'Maybe he is a legilimancer, and realized I thought he was tiny? Ooh… sir, are you reading my mind now?'_

Still not getting an answer, Luna tried a different tactic, "I apologize if I offended you, sir, but is the master or lady of the house in?"

The 'lady of the house' in question just happened to walk past her kitchen window. "Dear? There is a strange blonde woman in our garden, talking to the gnome statue," she called back, uncertain.

Her husband walked over, and let out a short laugh as he recognised her, "That's Luna, I told you about her, right? I'll go get her, could you be a dear and make us some tea?"

His wife nodded, and he walked out to greet their unexpected guest, "Luna, how nice of you to drop by! Do you like Archie?"

Luna looked up as she saw a big, but no longer fat, young man walk up to her. Dudley Dursley had lost a lot of weight compared to how fat he was when he was still a young boy – being a high-ranking semi-professional boxer helped him stay in shape. His wife's attention didn't hurt either.

"Hi Dudley," she greeted him with a smile. "I was asking Sir Archie if you or your wife were home, but I think I offended him somehow," she said, then leant in closer: "I sometimes think before I speak, you see…"

Dudley grinned, Harry had explained Luna's 'unique' world view when they had re-established contact, after the War.  
"I'm sure Archie will get over it, he's a quiet fellow," he said. "Shall we go inside? Gertrude has the tea ready."

Luna followed Dudley and gratefully accepted the cup of tea once they all sat down at the kitchen table. Gertrude Dursley was a German expat who had met Dudley at one of his matches, and they had now been married for just over a year. Judging by the wide dress she wore, Luna guessed that there would soon be a little Dursley on the way, too. Luna had not actually met her yet since she had been in Germany the last time the Potter-Blacks had come for dinner with Dudley, but he had of course told them all about her.

"Thanks for the tea," Luna said.

"Always a pleasure," Gertrude answered. "Dudley said you had something to ask us?"

"Oh yes," Luna nodded. "I am looking for someone or something, or multiple someones or somethings, and I know it's not magical, so it must be Muggle. And besides my wife, you two are the only Muggles I know. And she didn't want to be disturbed."

Gertrude choked a bit at Luna's mention of 'wife', sure Dudley had told her his cousin somehow had two legal marriages – this was uncommon, but not illegal in the magical world – but she hadn't realised Luna considered Hermione to be _her_ wife, too. The idea of bigamy wasn't too strange. Once you accepted magic existed, as she had learned when she and Dudley had married, everything else was no longer as surprising.

"Well, what did you want to know?" Dudley asked.

"Does 'Korea Cher' mean something to you?" Luna looked expectantly. She was not expecting an exited shriek from Gertrude, though.

"Oh my god, I love Cher! I'm her biggest fan!" Gertrude yelled out.

Luna looked at her critically. She had seen many fans in her life, hand-held ones, mechanical ones, and even ceiling ones, but none of them had been person-shaped.

"I was reading the fanzine just today, and it was talking about a fan effort to get Cher to give a performance in Seoul, South Korea, is that what you meant?" Gertrude babbled on.

Luna smiled, "that must be it! May I see that 'fanzine', perhaps?"

"I'll be right back," Gertrude said, and rushed off to another room. She returned with a glossy magazine, which she pressed into Luna's hands.

Luna browsed through it, it was indeed talking about Cher, some Muggle singer, who had never had a concert in Korea yet – _'Huh, the Muggles have two of them? Interesting,'_ – but some fans wanted that to change.

"Thank you Dudley, Gertrude, you were a great help," Luna said, putting the magazine down.  
"Do you mind if I leave using your front door? It's easier to get the bus that way, you see," she asked them.

Neither Dursley had a problem with it so Luna stepped outside, raised her wand, and soon was in the Knight Bus en route to a London address she had found in the magazine.

* * *

The ticket seller frowned in confusion at the blonde woman who had decided to make his day difficult. "I'm sorry dear, can you repeat that?"

"I would like to buy a concert by the American singer Cher in Korea, please," she repeated, smiling at the man.

"Errr… let me look," he said. "Cher you said? Well you're in luck, she's touring at the moment… there's still tickets for the upcoming Glasgow show if you buy now," he informed her, deciding she probably meant that.

"I was not aware Glasgow had been relocated to Korea," Luna said, with wide eyes.

"Korea? What?" He stared at her. "Are you a lunatic or something?"

Luna's expression clouded. "There's no reason to resort to name-calling," she told him. "All I want is Cher in Korea, is that so hard to understand?"

"Look missie, there is no planned performance there. Not sure what you want me to do," he tried explaining.

"Well, if you don't want my money, I'll talk to someone else," Luna decided, and walked out.

Unfortunately for her, none of the other concert ticket sellers would help her either. Luna was about to call for a Muggle taxi, to see if they knew of another business, when she saw a flying, silver, glowing otter from the corner of her eye. Luna left the main street and ducked in the alley it was in.

"Luna, where the hell are you? I am very upset with you for simply disappearing," it said in Hermione's voice. "You get home straight away, or do I need to send our husband to come get you?"  
Luna pouted. "I'll go home," she told the otter. Hermione's Patronus briefly passed through her, making Luna feel Hermione was not actually mad, but worried, then blinked out.

Luna apparated home as well. She descended to the kitchen where she heard voices, and found Harry and Hermione were both there. On the kitchen table was a plate under a stasis charm.

"Hi Harry love, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do what you asked of me," Luna said in a small voice.

"I realise that, Kreacher was most upset that he had dinner ready, and neither of us was home," Harry said. "Love, why didn't you pass on my message to him? You know how he gets when he thinks we're ignoring him."

Luna blinked and asked, "What message? You didn't say anything about Kreacher in it."

"He what now? Harry, your phone!" Hermione demanded. She went to the sent messages, then let out a laugh, explaining to the others: "Oh, bloody autocorrect struck again!"

Hermione pulled Luna close in a hug and said, "you'll have to tell me what you think Harry meant later love… first, now finish your dinner, then we can decide on punishment."

Harry got a smirk, so Hermione rounded on him: "For you, dear. You were after all the one who caused our darling wife to waste her day looking for a Korea Cher…"

* * *

A/N: This nonsense inspired by my Android's Autocorrect replacing an instance of 'Kreacher' with 'Korea Cher'. I just had to write something about that since it is hilarious.


End file.
